Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
