I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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