just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
