Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we're so committed to being not committed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
