so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
