i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
