how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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