we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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