I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
