I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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