he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
