We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
