I must be too annoying 4 u.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
