went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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