I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All the doctor said was why
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
