I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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