I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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