I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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