fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
