it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
