I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
