no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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