Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
