clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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