i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
