I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
