New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
