he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
