Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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