Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
