WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
two words: eviction party
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
