Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
