That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
