Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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