youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do herpes really smell.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
