And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize