I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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