great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
