Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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