I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize