you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
