okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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