Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's always time for handjobs
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
