2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
