I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
