So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
