im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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