I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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