what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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