Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
