I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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