Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
