I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
