I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
