we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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