So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
