That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
