Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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