I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
