I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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