Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
