I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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