i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
