don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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