I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
